Whatever I say or do is never good enough for my family

07/02/2021

DEAR DEIDRE: IT feels like I am the family scapegoat – whatever I say or do is wrong.

I am 23, but when I was a child I was sexually abused by my grandfather.

At 14, I confided in my mother, but she said I must be mistaken. I think she couldn’t handle it – she hates confrontation.

My family never deals with any problems. They just brush them under the carpet.

Eventually, I told my grandma, hoping she would be sympathetic. She got angry and called me a liar.

No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

Ever since, I have been treated like I’m responsible for all the problems in the family, even my parents’ divorce.

Being around them is making me depressed. I love my mum, but she’s weak and doesn’t stand up for me.

What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Sometimes in families, one person becomes the focus for all the bad feelings. This stops everyone else taking responsibility.

You are now an adult and have the right to distance yourself.

What happened with your grandfather is not your fault. My support pack on abuse explains more and shows where to seek help.