Should I warn my ex's new girlfriend that he's a narcissistic cheat? | The Sun10/12/2022
DEAR DEIDRE: SHOULD I warn my ex-lover’s girlfriend he’s a narcissist who can’t stay faithful to any woman – or should I let her find out for herself?
I was in a casual relationship with a guy for two years. When we met, he made me feel that we had a deep connection.
I should have ended it when he started seeing another girl three months ago, but he manipulated me into still having sex with him.
I’m 32 and he’s 38. The sex we had was incredible and he told me I was the best lover he’d ever had.
However, he said the other woman ticked more of his boxes in terms of being a long-term partner.
He asked if I’d become his secret lover as he couldn’t bear to lose me.
Stupidly, I agreed to be his bit on the side. I soon learned I wasn’t happy sharing him.
But every time I started to question the relationship, he would hook me back in with gifts and mind-blowing sex.
Then I saw a TV programme about narcissists and I realised he met every criteria: no empathy, no conscience, serial infidelity.
When I told him I couldn’t see him any more, he responded by sending me sexy pictures and loving messages, to let me know what I was missing.
In the end, I blocked him because I kept being tempted back into his bed.
Now I feel traumatised by the whole experience.
I looked up his girlfriend on social media and she seems like a nice woman.
Part of me feels I should contact her to tell her what he’s really like.
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I don’t want her to get hurt the way I was by him, which I feel is inevitable. But I do want to hurt him.
Would saying something be a bad idea?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your intentions are good, but it’s better to keep quiet.
For one thing, she might not believe you or just think you’re a bitter ex, which in a way you are.
And it might not do any good anyway.
If she’s in love with him, she will probably make excuses for him or be so blinded she won’t be able to see his faults.
Sometimes, people have to learn for themselves and make their own mistakes. You don’t know her.
Saying something could also make him very angry with you, which could cause problems.
The fact this is still preoccupying you so much – and that you want revenge – suggests that you are having difficulty moving on from this relationship.
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My support pack Addictive Love will help you understand your feelings.
Some counselling could also help. Contact Tavistock Retlationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
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