Relationship expert reveals how to trust your partner after they CHEAT

Relationship expert reveals best way for couples to save a romance after someone has an AFFAIR – insisting the cheater must give their partner access to every aspect of their life, from text messages to BANK ACCOUNT details

• Relationship expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson, 48, from California, revealed how couples can build back trust after one of them cheats
• Dr. Kathy explained that the quickest way to get back on track after someone engages in an affair is for the straying partner to hand over all passwords
• The relationship expert noted that this means giving your partner your emails, voicemails and even all social media and bank account passwords
• Dr. Kathy added that you should have ‘compassion’ for the partner that strayed and although difficult, it’s possible to overcome the pain 

A relationship expert revealed the quickest way to help a couple get back on track and re-build trust after one of them has an affair – including sharing every password with one another. 

Clinical psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson, 48, from Orange County, California, shared the quickest way to re-build a person’s trust after infidelity is to be ‘completely transparent’.

This means the cheater should hand over all emails, passwords, text messages and even GPS locations – to prove they have nothing else to hide.

Dr. Kathy also suggests the cheater must have no further contact with the person they had the affair with and says the hurt partner should ‘have compassion for the straying partner’.

A relationship expert revealed the quickest way for a couple get back on track after one of them has an affair – including sharing every password with one another (stock image)

‘After an affair, trust goes all the down to zero, most of the time,’ she explained.

‘As a result, it’s impossible for your partner to know they can trust you.

‘So what you need to do, as the person who strayed, is to knock yourself out proving there are no more secrets and that you completely trust your partner.

‘That it’s OK for them to look into your life, that you’ll be as transparent as possible and for them to see everything that they want to see.’

The relationship expert, who has 22 years of experience helping couples, explained that healing from an affair is never easy.

Dr. Kathy Nickerson, 48, from California, revealed how couples can build back trust

She added that although the cheating partner being ‘completely transparent’ may help in the beginning, it should only be used for a short period of time because it could lead to a total invasion of privacy. 

Short-term, handing over every password, email and text you have is the best way to show your partner that they can start to trust you again. 

Dr. Kathy said: ‘To rebuild, the straying partner needs to become an open book and share anything and everything they use to communicate and spend money.

‘This includes phone, voicemail, email, social media, communication apps, bank account and passwords to each.

‘The reason for this is that it’s very, very difficult to have an affair if you can’t communicate or spend money freely.’

The straying partner must also ensure they have completely ended the affair and cut off all contact with that person. 

This is because staying in contact with the person is ‘a major barrier to recovery’ – although this can be hard depending on the situation.

For example, in situations where the affair was with someone they work with, then totally cutting off contact isn’t possible – which is why full transparency is needed.

Dr. Kathy said: ‘In order for someone to start healing from an affair and rebuilding trust, they need to know that there are no more secrets, they are being told the truth, and there are no more emotional ‘bombs’ that will fall on them.’

She said the person who had the affair therefore needs to ‘knock themselves out’ to show they’re being honest.

She added: ‘Do anything and everything you can think of to show your partner that you are not keeping secrets, you are not talking to your affair partner, you are where you say you are, and that you are not spending money or time on things you shouldn’t.’

Although this method can be effective, it isn’t always easy because it can often feel like a complete invasion of privacy. 

And she agreed that it is, to an extent – and this is why full transparency should only be done in the short term to show there are no more secrets.

As for the person who was cheated on, Dr. Kathy also shared some advice to help them start to trust their partner again.

She said: ‘It’s very, very hard to do… but I encourage all hurt partners to have compassion for the straying partner.

‘I believe that affairs are painkillers and that most people who choose to have an affair do so because they want relief from pain.

‘This does not excuse their choice, the choice to cheat is always wrong, but if we can understand why they chose to do something, we can have compassion.

‘Compassion helps us move towards forgiveness.’

Dr. Kathy said a way to help the partner to understand and rebuild trust, to work towards forgiveness, is to discover why their partner strayed.

She explained people who stray in their relationship often do so because of three factors which occur at the same time.

The relationship expert, who has 22 years of experience helping couples, explained that healing from an affair is never easy (stock image)

She said: ‘They are not doing well personally such as experiencing depression, and the relationship is strained, and then there’s some kind of other trauma or trigger which occurs.

‘This could be the death of a parent, or the loss of a job.’

She added: ‘People who also have a past history of trauma are at higher risk for an affair as well. Unfortunately, trauma injures us and someone with unhealed trauma is more sensitive to acute emotional pain.’

She explained that if someone can see this in their unfaithful partner – recognizing that it may have happened because they are hurting – that it may soften the resentment.

However, she acknowledged that under some circumstances, it may not be possible to view the situation in this way.

She explained: ‘I want to reassure people that not all cheaters are narcissists and not all narcissists cheat.

‘Cheating is indeed a selfish choice, but it is not necessarily intended to hurt someone.

‘It’s much more often a short-term thing someone does to cope with pain.’

Dr. Kathy reassured couples by noting it’s possible to overcome the pain and distrust that comes with having an affair – if both partners are committed to it.

She says around 85 per cent of the couples she has assisted with her work have managed to heal from the challenges.

She said: ‘When people heal from an affair, they rarely talk about it… because they have a lot of shame and embarrassment about the whole thing and they don’t want people to know.

‘Trust can be rebuilt; it requires time, patience, compassion, and for the straying partner to do the work to show they can be trusted again.’

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