I want to tell my married lover's partner about our steamy sex sessions06/27/2020
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover lies all the time and disappears on me, but the sex is so amazing when we meet that I always forgive him.
We met in a bar nine months ago. He said he was 39 and single. He was working away but said we could meet up when he was in town.
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We spoke daily online. He said I was special and he loved talking to me, even hinting at living together. Then he vanished and I heard nothing for two months.
Then out of the blue I got a text asking me to meet up. His explanation of why he’d gone cold was that he has a partner and two boys aged six and four.
He said he knew the truth would hurt me so he thought it best for me to get out of his life.
I said I’d rather have known the truth than be kept waiting for him to call me. He kept saying how sorry he was and we hugged and kissed and ended up in bed — it was so passionate I was blown away.
Afterwards he said he wants to be with me but can’t leave his kids while they are young, which I said I could understand.
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He told me not to put my life on hold for him, so I started seeing another guy.
After a couple more months this guy turned up again. He admitted he’d lied again, and in fact he is 44 and his kids are 20 and 22 and have left home. I went ballistic. He promised me no more lies and said he had left his partner. He claimed he is at his happiest when he’s with me and is scared of losing me.
We spent a wonderful weekend together. Sex was the best either of us had ever had — or at least, that’s what he said. We were honest with one another, as far as I knew, and agreed we had to make it work and be together.
When he left, he said he had some massive decisions to make but didn’t tell me what they were about or if they included me.
I’ve not seen or heard from him since before lockdown. I am tempted to write to his partner about our affair but I am not sure that’s a good idea. I am 29 and I need to move on but I’m don’t know how to do so.
DEIDRE SAYS: What a painful experience, especially as lockdown has limited your options to distract yourself from this user.
It will help you move on to keep reminding yourself you’ve had a lucky escape. At least you’ve now realised he is a liar and a cheat.
Imagine what life must be like for his poor partner and his children.
She must know what he is like so don’t contact her. But next time he gets in touch with another story – as he will in his own good time – have the strength to say “It’s over”.
Keep reminding yourself you are better off without the angst and grief that goes with this guy. My e-leaflet Addictive Love will help you stop longing for him.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I lost my wife just after lockdown started & I’m feeling worse and worse
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