I cheated on my girlfriend at a secret house party and now I think we should break up

I cheated on my girlfriend at a secret house party and now I think we should break up

12/01/2020

DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED on my girlfriend last weekend at a secret house party ahead of the restrictions easing.

Now I am beginning to think I should break up with her for both our sakes.

I am 22 and she is 19. We love each other and have been together for three years.

At first we used to talk about the future, settling down and having kids, but about a year ago all that stopped.

We both started going out more with our own group of friends as well as seeing one another. But it was all good and we used to share what we’d been up to.

While I was out with my mates before the first lockdown, I met a girl who came on to me and I didn’t turn her down. We ended up having sex. I felt guilty but didn’t tell my girlfriend.

Having got away with it once, I had sex with another girl when I was tempted again but didn’t feel guilty.

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Me and my girlfriend were still OK when we were together, but I enjoyed my secret flings too.

Recently she confessed that she’d had sex with another guy. I was mad but couldn’t have a go at her given my own behaviour.

We agreed we wanted to still be together but it keeps happening. I know she’s cheated on me four times and I have had more one-night stands since.

We had a long chat the other night and agreed we got serious too young and that we are just making up for lost time. But it doesn’t feel right that we are cheating on one another.

My mates and her friends think it’s weird we’ve not split up. I am beginning to think they have a point and maybe it is time we went our separate ways and sowed our wild oats.

But she has been a big part of my life for so long I know I will miss her like crazy if we are no longer in a relationship.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You are bound to miss one another, you have become a habit in each other’s lives, but that isn’t reason enough to stay together.

Lots of romances started during the teen years don’t last into serious commitment simply because part of the maturing process is change.

You both recognised that you were ready to move on a year ago.

However, instead of breaking up and dealing with the ending of a lovely romance, you played away.

It’s time for your conscience to kick in and tell you it’s wrong to cheat on your girlfriend, and that’s as much for your sake as for hers.

If you carry on as you are doing one of you risks getting very hurt emotionally – and these days you are risking spreading Covid-19 too.

Because you care for one another still, it’s much better to agree to go your separate ways and hold on to happy memories of your relationship.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE How can I find a life partner if I never feel turned on by anyone?

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