I can't stop sleeping with my best friend, but I know we can't be together10/04/2021
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY relationship I have fails and then I end up back in my best friend’s bed. I love her but we can’t be together.
I’ve lost count of the number of times we have cheated on our respective partners with each other.
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We’re in our early thirties and have known each other since university. We click.
She knows everything about me and every inch of me.
We are always the last ones partying at the end of the night, the ones who are up for an adventure.
But something has always stopped us from getting together properly.
On the rare occasions that we are both single we seem to shy away from each other. I’d love to be her boyfriend but worry she’d laugh at me, then I’d lose my best friend.
She has recently broken up with a boyfriend who she was with for six months. She complained he always wanted to stay in with a curry.
Like clockwork she called me at midnight last night and asked if she could come around. Even though I am seeing someone I couldn’t wait for her to visit.
We had sex on my sofa as soon as she arrived and then went upstairs to my bedroom and had sex again.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms and everything felt so right.
I have no idea if she wants to be with me properly or not.
She’s very pretty and I’ve watched guys literally falling at her feet to be with her.
The girl I’m seeing is complaining that I seem distracted and she’s right — I can’t get my best friend out of my mind.
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I know how the next few months go. I’ll get dumped and then, because we are both single, my best friend and I will start to feel awkward around each other.
Then one of us will meet someone else and the whole thing starts again. I want to break this cycle.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m afraid you are never going to know if she wants to be with you unless you ask her.
And why shouldn’t you two work? So many good, strong relationships are born out of friendship.
You seek one another out. You know what makes the other one tick. The sex is good. What’s not to like?
It’s time to have a heart-to-heart and tell her what she means to you. It’s really not fair to all the people you both keep cheating on to carry on like this.
What’s the worst that can happen? She says no, but you can still have your friendship.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself may help you to find the right words. Good luck.
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