How I Do It: 'The lockdowns left me scared to have sex, but I'm dating again'11/26/2021
For this week’s How I Do It, in which we get a sevendsay sneak peek into the sex life of a new person every Friday, we hear from Sam, a single 25-year-old living in London.
Sam, who recently split up with his long-distance boyfriend, says the psychological impact of lockdown left him scared of having sex and doubting whether he ‘could have human affection again’.
He got so used to being by himself, he found body image issues took hold in isolation, and he’d tell his friends ‘daily’ that he ‘didn’t want a boyfriend or to have sex again’.
But it wasn’t all negative – he also took the time alone to get to know himself better and find out what makes him ‘tick’.
Now, he’s worked past the fear and is putting himself back out there…
Warning: As you’d expect, this week’s diary features some explicit details about sex, so it’s definitely NSFW.
Beginning a sex diary is daunting considering I’ve only just broken up with some I was sexually exclusive with.
Having sexual freedom is somewhat exciting but also very scary. Being safe obviously is vital, so you have to be prepared practically as well as mentally.
I usually start the day masturbating – usually, I masturbate twice if I’m not doing anything in the evening or if I’m in my own bed.
I started taking PrEP – a daily tablet that can help protect you from HIV – today. It made me feel unwell, but I still powered on with a date I had planned
It was, in fact, the first date I’ve had since my ex and the first date I’ve had since January 2020(!).
Needless to say, my emotions were whirling. Being so content with one person and being in a sexually healthy relationship and then jumping into the unknown is very intimidating.
However, you shouldn’t expect to sleep with someone on the first date. I didn’t douche as I assumed we wouldn’t be getting intimate.
We met in Old Street and there was an instant sexual attraction. We walked along the canal and made out, obviously turning each other on.
We had dinner and then went back to mine after not being able to find the local firework display – it was bonfire night. He stayed at my house, which instantly made me at ease as I was in a space which I knew and could ask him to leave without the fear of going back in the cold night alone.
We got on my bed, made out, and started taking each other’s clothes off, one item at a time. We mutually masturbated, rimmed one another, gave each other blowjobs, but when I asked to have sex he stated he didn’t want to on a first date. Of course, I respected that.
He stayed the night with us spooning one another, but it was a wobbly night’s rest as sleeping in a bed with someone you don’t know can be uncomfortable – especially if you’re used to your own space, as I am since lockdown and being in a long-distance relationship.
We woke up, both horny, so we did the same stuff as the night before, again without sex.
All I wanted to do was have sex with him but of course, after what he said the night before, we left it at that again.
It was nice to meet with someone new and be able to act freely without any expectations, and have fun while being safe.
Having the sexual liberation to be with new people is super exciting. Meeting someone can be fun as you get to know how that person ticks, what their hobbies are and what they like in the bedroom – if you are lucky enough to get that far.
I started the day as normal, masturbating. After that, I wandered through my neighbourhood and realised how sacred a Sunday is for people in a relationship.
Having someone to spend time with on the off days of the week must be quite nice.
It made me think about how these people must be so content in their relationships and in their sexual relationships too – holding hands, walking side-by-side down the streets.
Unfortunately, it only makes you question your own relationship status. I know, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it’s hard not to when there are so many happy couples around you in London.
The city can make you feel even more single – it can be quite a lonely place if you haven’t got someone special (not even a special sexual partner).
Started the day with a wank.
Mondays are always so boring. Speaking to people on social media apps makes me want to have sex but the actual effort to go and perform it can be another challenge in itself.
Wrapping up in bed, especially during these colder months, does take its toll on energy and the effort you have to do certain things, sex included.
You might still be horny, but when push comes to shove, we aren’t always keen to partake in it if it requires energy we don’t have. Also, who can be bothered to go for a date or even chat to guys on a Monday? I’m usually still recovering from the weekend.
Not much to report again – started the day with a wank but went into the office.
I think having that distraction of going into the office does deter the mind away from sex. Working from home, especially working in the bedroom, when your bed is right there, is liable to change your mindset into a sexual one.
However, you aren’t gonna have sex or even get into a sexual situation in an open floor plan office. That might work for some people, but less so for me.
After a very boring day at work, I was horny.
I went onto Grindr and found the closest person to me. They were older than me and to be honest, they didn’t really do it for me, but in the words of Kim K, ‘I was horny, and I felt like it.’
Sometimes having casual fun can be great – it’s a great release, especially when you feel pent-up or even just bored.
It was initially awkward – introducing myself to them outside my flat then welcoming them in, telling them they had to be quiet as I had a housemate who was asleep.
We went into my room and spoke about what we did in London and how the pandemic affected us, and then got right to it.
He initiated a kiss with me, which I rejected. I wasn’t sexually attracted to him, so I didn’t want to kiss him, I just wanted to have fun.
It felt like there was no connection between us because there was no sexual chemistry. I sped things up – I just wanted it to end as there was no sexual connection and definitely no attraction from my side.
Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll meet them again, but I think these casual fun things have to be done if you need a release. After all, he met up with me for the same reason.
Don’t feel ashamed if you feel like this sometimes, people all over the country probably do.
I was given very good news about my career which kept my thoughts well away from sex.
When you are just living your best life and making moves, you don’t necessarily think of sex, so I haven’t got anything to report. Didn’t even have a wank.
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