SECRETLY slipping away a few pounds for her son’s new school trousers, mum-of-three Becky Bellenie felt her heart break.

Just a few years earlier she’d had crisp notes in her wallet and a healthy bank balance to boot. Her kids had wanted for nothing.

But Becky’s finances took a downward turn after her abusive partner Neil Parrish, 37, from Essex, took ‘control’ of them.

After he was jailed for 11 years in 2017 after being convicted of three counts of raping Becky – including when she was sleeping – she was left with debts totalling £20,000.

Two years on she still owes about £5,000. It’s less than it should be. Her mum, Dawn, 56, worked with businesses and agencies to come to agreements so Becky would pay less considering what she’d been through.

Becky has now waived her right to anonymity to talk exclusively to Fabulous Digital about economic abuse, which has been included in the new draft domestic abuse bill that was released at the end of January.

“The bill acknowledges that economic abuse is wide-ranging,” Becky, 34, from Chelmsford, Essex, said. “Neil sexually, physically and verbally abused me – and I’m not downplaying that – but he economically abused me too.

“I think that should be a separate charge in the same way sexual abuse is. The bill goes some way towards that becoming a reality.”

Ahead of Becky getting together with Parrish in 2010 she was a confident single mum-of-two, working in a pharmacy.

But, over the course of seven years, he repeatedly raped her and was so controlling he even forced her to dye her hair.

Shockingly he also controlled every aspect of her finances – leaving her hugely in debt when he was eventually arrested.

“Before I met Neil in 2010 I never got the kids designer outfits and I didn’t drive a fancy car,” Becky – who was proud of her independence – explained.

She continued: “But they were always well-cared for. If my children needed new school shoes, they got new school shoes. If they wanted to go on a class trip, they went on one.

“We went out for meals regularly. I enjoyed a night out with my friends once a month.

“I always had money in my purse and my bank account.

“The thought of bailiffs knocking on my door or my bank account being empty was totally foreign to me.”

She met Parrish in 2010 through friends and was initially charmed by his easy-going character.

He was battling a type of cancer, non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and she felt sorry for him.

In the early days – a result of his treatment – he was calm.

In June 2011 the couple were delighted when he went into remission. But, around a year later, their relationship took a dark turn when Parrish’s personality changed.

He started going out all the time, and took over control of the family’s finances.

“I worked in a pharmacy and my salary was paid into my account,” Becky explained. “Neil wasn’t earning, but received disability benefits, which also went into the account.

“He took control over it all. But then he started going out and would be out all night. The account started being emptied.

“He would take everything out of it – all the money. I wasn’t sure why but he liked to do it like this."

She continued: “But then he spent everything so the bills wouldn’t be paid by direct debit.

“I always paid my debts, I’d never had bailiffs knocking on my door, I always had enough to give my kids. But suddenly we were receiving final demands.”

I would hide a few pound a week to get my kids a new pair of school trousers.

She said Parrish said he “owed” people – but wouldn’t let her have a bank card to control the accounts and would withdraw everything.

“Previously I’d have gone out with my sister a few times a month,” she said.

“My car insurance was always paid. I always had money in my purse and in the bank.

“My children were always clothed and fed. It went from fine to terrible really quickly.”

“I worked in a pharmacy and knew how much I earned.

“My children had nice things. They weren’t spoilt, but wore neat clothes. But suddenly they had nothing.”

What is economic abuse?

Almost all women who have been a victim of domestic violence will also suffer from some form of economic abuse, according to charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA).

Domestic abuse is not currently recognised as a criminal offence but it's expected that this could soon change.

In March last year, the Government launched a consultation on the issue and next week it's expected to officially recognise economic abuse in a new Domestic Abuse Bill.

Dr Nicola Sharp-Jeffs, director of Surviving Economic Abuse told Fabulous Digital: "Economic abuse is when your partner has interfered with your money or other economic resources in some way to stop you being in control of your own life and making choices.

"Lack of access to economic resources can result in women staying with an abusive partner for longer than they would like and experiencing more harm as a result. Economic stability is therefore linked to physical safety."

If you have been a victim of economic abuse like Becky you can get help at Surviving Economic Abuse.

She thinks he took he took advantage of her love for him.

“I was vulnerable after his cancer treatment and he knew that,” she said. “It was fine when he was ill and didn’t go out but when he got better, he would spend it all. He would spend his money and my money.

“I noticed after a while, when we started getting letters through the door.

“He told me, ‘I never pay the bills.’ I said it was mad and we had to pay the bills and he promised he would sort it out… he never did. We got into arrears.

“No matter how much I worked there was never any money.”

Becky started borrowing money off her pensioner grandparents, mum and friends  to survive – and still Parrish would go out.

“He’d buy trainers, go to festivals and then he stopped working,” she said. “He took my bank card. As soon as my salary went in on a Wednesday morning he would take the money out and pay any debts he owed, then buy PlayStation games, then clothes. I was his lowest priority.”

Becky said her mum was aware something was going on and would help her children and sneak her packed lunches.

At her lowest ebb she had trouble dressing her children.

“I would hide a few pound a week to get my kids a new pair of school trousers,” she said.

“I don’t think charity shop clothes are bad but your 13-year-old son doesn’t want to wear charity shop clothes to school or his stepdad’s clothes.

“Looking back, I can see how scruffy they looked.”

In April 2017 Becky went to the police station and reported him for raping her. He was arrested and remanded for six months, attending trial in October that year.

He was found guilty of three counts of rape following a trial.

She’s delighted he is no longer in her life – but lives with the aftermath of his abuse.

“But I am still being punished years on because of the financial aspects,” Becky said. “I was sensible with money and cautious but he took advantage of that – and I am paying for it.”

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