I'm a mum to two teenagers – they fight constantly but I get involved as little as possible, lazy parenting really works11/20/2021
A MUM has revealed her easy techniques for day-to-day life with two sons – and said her biggest tip is teaching her kids to fend for themselves.
Kerry Davies, 40, from Crewe, Cheshire, uses a number of ‘less obvious’ parenting techniques that help her two sons grow and learn for themselves.
The mum-of-two, who works full-time as an Estate Agency Director, believes that the fewer the boundaries, the fewer the problems.
Kerry, who is mum to 15-year-old teenager Gabriel and 11-year-old Zachary, uses her easy techniques to make day-to-day life run smoothly.
Kerry shares her tips with her 12,000 followers on Instagram under the name Justkerrydavies.
She said: “The boys are pretty self-sufficient. I wake them up but they have to get themselves ready for school and get themselves to school.
“I do as little as possible for them as I want them to be able to do things for themselves. We both work full time so when they get home they have to amuse themselves.”
Most days her sons argue – usually to do with online gaming, one not wanting to do what the other wants, or simply winding each other up.
But Kerry insisted the easiest technique she uses to deal with it – is letting them get on with it.
So her technique for dealing with it is letting them figure out their disputes between them.
Kerry said: “Gabe knows that Zachary likes his own space so Gabe will go and sit in his bedroom on his bed just to wind him up.
“Zachary will then start shouting at him and it results in a tussle between them. The list is endless, they argue daily and they both deal with their disagreements differently.
“I don’t manage it, I let them get on with it, you can’t stop them from arguing, it's completely normal for siblings to argue.”
Kerry said she remembers arguing with her sister as a child – screaming at each other one minute and being best friends and playing together the next.
She encourages fellow parents to let them get on with it as she believes they have to learn to stand up for themselves.
On the odd occasion, she intervenes but added that giving them their own space is another easy technique for dealing with arguments.
To get their boys to do their homework, Kerry gives her sons’ full responsibility. She knows the consequence of not doing it – detentions – is enough to get them to do it.
Being open and honest with them results in them being open and honest with us
Kerry said: “My boys both know that it is their responsibility to do their homework – if they don’t do it, then it is them who get the detention, not me.
“They understand the consequence of not doing their homework and as a result, on the majority of occasions it is done and handed in on time.
“I get an email from school on a Sunday detailing the homework from the previous week and whether it has been turned in and details of their homework due for the week ahead.
“I will remind them that they have homework and they know I get the emails to confirm.”
Kerry believes that because she doesn’t force her sons to do homework – they are given a choice – it doesn’t cause any problems and they do it themselves.
Her son Gabriel recently decided to start revising for his GCSEs – so when he mentioned it – Kerry took him shopping for revision supplies and he then drew up a timetable.
She said: “Gabe is at the point in education where he needs to consider what he wants to do next. Instead of telling him what I think he should or shouldn’t do, I have sat down and reviewed the different course options with him.
“I am not a pushy parent, I am letting him decide his own future.”
Kerry said another easy parenting technique she uses if she is working late, is encouraging her two sons to order dinner off the Just Eat app or making something for themselves.
She rarely says ‘no’ to her two sons – and instead lets them decide whether they want to do something or not after hearing her reasons behind it.
The mum-of-two also uses the technique of involving her two sons in decision making – about going out for the day, dinner choices, holidays, shopping and activities.
She said: “We are probably too honest with them – we tell them about what we did at their age and how we expect that they will do the same.
“We eliminate the element of curiosity and the desire to try something, we tell them that they will try these things and that we are comfortable with this.
“They are open and honest with us because we are open and honest with them. If they ask a question, we will tell them the truth – treating them like mini adults.”
Another easy technique for making day-to-day life easier with two sons is encouraging them both to go out with their mobile phones – and be contactable.
She doesn’t impose a curfew – instead, she encourages her sons to keep her updated with their locations and a rough idea of when they’ll be home.
Kerry also revealed her easy parenting techniques for getting her sons to do things – one of them includes being open and honest.
She said: “Being open and honest with them results in them being open and honest with us.
“They don’t have restrictions on technology usage or social media. On the whole they are well behaved, polite boys who are capable of looking after themselves.
“I don’t monitor their social media accounts. Zachary thinks that you can learn everything on TiKTok and will openly talk to us about things he has learned.
“If they want pocket money for Just Eat or FIFA points they know they have to do something in return like chores.”
Kerry said her easiest parenting technique to ‘making it work’ – is understanding it’s all about give and take. If her sons want something, they need to do something in return.
She said her sons also both understand that there are consequences in life – both good and bad.
She added: “But ultimately, it is up to them what they can be but we always tell them what the consequence is so they can make that choice themselves!”
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