I used to miss my hubby – but 24/7 corona lockdown has us fighting, opening each other’s post & threatening divorce – The Sun

WHEN I got married 20 months ago, I didn’t expect it to end up like this.

Happily together for ten years since we became a couple at university, after just six days in 24/7 lockdown with my beloved hubby Sam, it is fair to say we are now both ready to tear our own – or each other’s – hair out.

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We’ve snapped at each other. I’ve already, albeit jokingly, threatened divorce more than once.

I’ve been told it’s ‘annoying’ when I do my Ministry of Sound Pump It Up workout DVD at 7am in the morning.

Sam has started to open post addressed to me because he’s ‘bored’, and generally all normality has flown out the window.

We have always had a good relationship – and still do – and while I’m being lighthearted during what is otherwise a very serious situation, there’s no denying most peoples’ patience, resolve and even relationships have been tested in one way or another since the coronavirus pandemic wreaked devastation upon the world.

‘All normality went out the window’

Just over a week ago, life seemed relatively normal. Sam worked long hours as a chef, and we liked to make the most of the one day a week we had together, while the rest of the week I would do my own thing, going out and seeing friends and enjoying full control of the TV remote when home alone.

To be honest, I missed him. It’s a common joke that if you work in a commercial kitchen you’re going to see your work colleagues more often than your wife – and it’s honestly no exaggeration.

Then the pandemic situation started to escalate. As coronavirus spread, like everyone else, I went through the initial concerns about friends and family, worrying about what was going to happen generally.

Then, when Sam’s work was forced to close for the foreseeable future, there were the money worries we faced before Boris declared the government would pay 80 per cent of workers wages.

But actually despite all of this, overall I knew we were very fortunate. I love my husband, and, desperately trying to look on the bright side, this unusual situation was a chance to spend some more time together.

Sam has started to open post addressed to me because he’s ‘bored’, and generally all normality has flown out the window.

In the face of adversity, we could use the time we had to catch up, and reconnect after three years of Sam working all the hours under the sun as a senior sous chef.

Then came the much needed lockdown – no socialising with people outside of your household, one trip outside a day – and suddenly we were together every single hour of the day, doing each other's heads in and starting to ask ourselves “do we actually even like spending time with each other?”

Thankfully, I know I’m not alone.

Commenting on how to deal with living with a partner during a lockdown, Match dating expert Hayley Quinn says: “It’s not unusual to feel concerned about how these government-imposed measures could impact your relationship.

“A bit of personal space can, in the right doses, do wonders for a relationship. However, during self-isolation many households won't get that reprieve and will find themselves cooped up with their other half.”

Hayley Quinn's tips for self-isolation harmony

• Find some personal space every day – go out for a walk alone or take a long bath
• Focus on an activity together – a jigsaw or a joint workout
• If you feel like snapping at your other half, take a deep breath and count to 10 – unnecessary arguments will make isolation worse
• Work in separate rooms if you have the space
• Turn cooking into a solo activity, to give yourself some personal space
• Schedule in time to talk to friends and family you are unable to see
• Spend quality time together, switching off your phone and listening to each other – we all need emotional support right now

‘He doesn’t like divorce jokes, it turns out’

Living in each others’ pockets has had its ups and downs. I’m not going to lie – I was initially delighted when, on day one, Sam began to deep clean the kitchen and organise the cupboards.

Used to working 60 plus hour weeks, I thought it was great he was focusing his energy on getting the house in order and I was all for it – until he sat me down to talk me through how the kitchen would be ‘run’ from now on.

To my horror, suddenly I realised he hadn’t just tidied – he’d turned it into his unofficial workspace. Everything was organised to military precision – and I was, by default, the pot washer.

It suddenly gave me a glimpse into what the coming months could look like, and it was alarming.

It suddenly gave me a glimpse into what the coming months could look like, and it was alarming.

Not only that but we began bickering about where the condiments were kept, who should make the bed and who was going to do our one trip to Tesco to see if there was any loo roll or pasta back in stock.

Just to add to the harmonious atmosphere, if I feel myself begin to lose a fight, my go-to now is to threaten divorce, which is a hilarious joke Sam doesn’t find that funny, it turns out.

Cat attacks and singing bans

Additionally, while Sam doesn’t have any work on I now work from home full-time, so this poses another challenge.

Suddenly, even the smallest of sounds are irritating.

While chatting to eight work colleagues in a 9am Skype meeting in our ‘dining room’ – which, in our one-bed London flat is also the living room and kitchen space – my work mates were treated to the soothing sounds of Sam shouting at the cat for attacking his foot in the background.

“You need to stay QUIET when I’m in a meeting,” I hissed, while Sam looked bewildered, having been both physically attacked by a small yet feisty tabby, and verbally attacked by a small yet feisty wife.

It hasn’t stopped there either. While I’m in other meetings, to my disbelief, Sam has embarked on a bit of light yet incredibly noisy indoor gardening, and I’ve been informed it’s actually very annoying when I sing along loudly to Robyn’s Dancing On My Own – my favourite, and currently very apt song – on Spotify.

I know we’re lucky to have each other

Despite all this, it’s fair to say we’re learning a lot about each other, and having no personal space is a common issue for most couples right now.

Hayley says: “What most couples will struggle with during this time is a lack of personal space. Even taking simple steps like working from different rooms in the house, going out for walks separately, or a long bath can help to break up the day.

"Shared projects where you focus on doing something together, rather than talking at one another, can also be a relaxing way to bond.”

It’s been a week and for Sam and me, we’re finally adjusting – he’s teaching me how to cook, and we are no longer snapping at each other 100 times a day.

It’s a testing time for everyone right now, but it’s also making me feel grateful and appreciative for the little things in life, and I know we’re very lucky to have each other.

I know we’ll come through together, and if I ever had to go into lockdown again with anyone, I’d always choose Sam.

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