Trump Counts Crowd’s Size Using ‘MAGA Math,’ Says Stephen Colbert11/17/2020
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
The late-night hosts crunched the numbers from Saturday’s so-called Million MAGA March in Washington. Kayleigh McEnany, the White House press secretary, said on Twitter that a million supporters of President Trump attended the demonstration, but news reports estimated the crowds in the tens of thousands.
“Ten thousand, a million — it’s just how they count. You round up for marches, you round down for Covid deaths. It’s all in their textbook, ‘Basic Arith-MAGA.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now it doesn’t look like a million people, but keep in mind a lot of those guys are wearing camouflage.” — JAMES CORDEN
“I mean, if this is how his aides do math, it’s no wonder Trump thinks he won the election.” — JAMES CORDEN
“So the administration ends as it began, lying about crowd size. They’ve come full circle. That’s just basic geo-MAGA.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Look, whether it was thousands or a million, the important thing is that the White House is still encouraging people to gather in large groups without masks right now.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Wow, this is so strange. Why does the not-white-supremacist president have all these white supremacists coming out to support him? It’s so weird!” — TREVOR NOAH
“Also, it is interesting how now all the Trump supporters are suddenly OK with protesting and blocking traffic. How quickly their attitudes have changed. I bet we’re only three months away from them kneeling at football games like, ‘I will not stand for the anthem of a country that does not support my MAGAness.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“But Trump was overwhelmed by the support. He was like, ‘I love you guys. You’re doing the white thing — I mean, the right thing.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Trump Tweets Edition)
“President Trump tweeted last night, ‘I won the election.’ Buddy, you’re still talking about that? That was four years ago. Also, we had another election, and I have terrible news.” — SETH MEYERS
“But I feel like he may be coming around because last night he tweeted that he won the election in all caps: ‘I WON THE ELECTION.’ This morning he backed off a little bit. He tweeted it in lower sentence-case. That’s as close as he’s going to get to a concession speech.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Without the all-caps I can hardly recognize it as a Trump tweet. Although he did randomly capitalize the word ‘election’ just to let us know he hasn’t forgotten his roots.” — JAMES CORDEN
“That is the digital equivalent of waking up to find Grandpa screaming on the lawn in his underwear. You can’t give a standard mental cognition test because the first question is ‘Who is the president?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Let’s just savor for a moment the fact that the tweet started with, ‘He won.’ It’s like cracking open ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ and stopping after ‘It was the best of times.’ I will take your word for it, Mr. Dickens, and go about my day.” — SETH MEYERS
“Trump won’t give up while the rest of us are like, ‘Dude, we’ve moved on to Netflix shows about chess. We don’t care.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“He’s like a kid slowly realizing nobody’s coming to his birthday party.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“We should never have given him that Diet Coke button. That’s hard to give up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
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The author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates returned to “The Daily Show” for his sixth appearance in five years, making him the most frequent guest since Trevor Noah took over from Jon Stewart.
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