Stephen Colbert Can Tell When Fox News Is Lying04/14/2023
A judge said he would probably appoint a “special master” to investigate whether Fox had misled the court. The “Late Show” host thinks he’s up to the job.
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By Trish Bendix
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Fox News News
A judge sanctioned Fox News on Wednesday for withholding evidence relevant to Dominion Voting Systems’ lawsuit. He said he would probably appoint a “special master” — an outside lawyer — to investigate whether the network had misled the court.
“So the job is to figure out whether Fox News lies?” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday. “Hold on, hold on — am I a special master? Do I get a sash?”
“Over in Fox News News, today they began jury selection in Dominion’s $1.6 billion defamation suit against Fox, and this trial’s gonna be juicy. For instance, the judge has ruled that Dominion can compel testimony from Fox News personalities Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro. And to make sure Jeanine Pirro tells the truth, they’re swearing her in on a box of wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“So the judge is furious because Fox withheld the tapes. Although to be fair to Fox, they might not have known which embarrassing Rudy Giuliani tape they were being asked for. The one where the oil was leaking from his head or the one where he’s farting in court? The one where he’s unbuttoning his pants for Borat’s daughter? Or could it be the one where he held a press conference outside a dildo shop? How are they supposed to keep track of them all?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Solitary Confinement for Dummies’ Edition)
“This afternoon, the FBI arrested a 21-year-old Massachusetts Air National Guardsman in connection with the leaking of classified documents that were posted online. The leaker is described as a lonely young man who is part of a chatroom group that shares a love of guns and military gear. You know how sometimes — you know you find yourself going, ‘It’s always who you least suspect, isn’t it?’ This isn’t one of those times.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Teixeira was taken into custody in Massachusetts, where just moments before, he was seen from a helicopter reading a book on his porch. That book: ‘Solitary Confinement for Dummies.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now, for taking these classified documents home, Teixeira could face charges under the Espionage Act and could get up to 10 years in prison per document. So he’s in trouble unless he declassified them with his mind.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to a Donald Trump declassification technique
“As a 21-year-old, he’s devastated that this mistake may cost him his future, but he’s also thrilled that he’s posted something online and it totally went viral.” — JAMES CORDEN
“He posted some of the documents in a chatroom for gamers, and I don’t even know how this works. Does someone like write, ‘Hey guys, how do I win in Fortnite?’ and you respond like, ‘I don’t know, but here’s some satellite images of Ukraine.’” — JAMES CORDEN
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