Sideswipe: Winston Peters, the last rodeo

True extent of Labour takeover revealed

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Adern has completed the first stage of her plan to conquer the world and subjugate the human race as her slaves. The UK spoof site News Thump writes: “By consolidating her power in New Zealand with another election win thanks to her unrelenting competence, she has raised her profile to be considered one of the pre-eminent world leaders, which will allow her a platform from which to launch an audacious land grab to bring Australia under her rule. From a strong position in both the Indian and Pacific Oceans, Adern will start to bring all of the southern hemisphere under her control with a combination of charm and competence. With the US and Great Britain currently so beleaguered, it is thought likely that their populations will welcome Adern as their new leader or, indeed, literally anyone who isn’t their current leader, and from that point, she will be so strong that any resistance to her rule from Europe and Russia is likely to be utterly futile. Once the uncontested lifelong leader of the planet, she will drop the façade of decency and brutally suppress the population of the world as she sits, cackling, atop her throne made from the bones of her enemies.”

Rural support

Too many Daves?

Nicknames given to distinguish someone from another person with the same name.

1. Too many Jacks at school so one ended up with the nickname Toast, because his head kind of resembled a loaf of bread. It’s been 13 years and that’s his name now.
2. I once knew two families both with the surname Bell. One family went to church and the other was a little rough around the edges. One family were Church Bells the other Hells Bells.
3. My mum has two friends called Bernadette. One has chickens so we call her Eggs Bernadette and the other Just Bernadette. Neither of them know this.
4. There were two Stanleys in our chemistry class, one of them had pretty bad BO. He was known as Stanley Dioxide.
5. Used to work with two guys called Maurice – one was tall and spindly, the other was really short. So, of course, we called one Maurice major and the other Maurice minor.
6. We had Big Chris and Little Chris, but then Little Chris left to be replaced by a much bigger Chris. But Big Chris, now the smaller of the two Chrises retained the honorific, which added significant confusion to operations.

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