CNN’s Democratic Debate Got a Little Catty, Trevor Noah Says

CNN’s Democratic Debate Got a Little Catty, Trevor Noah Says


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That’s Debatable

CNN aired the first of two live Democratic debates Tuesday night, and late night remarked on how difficult it is to hear from 10 presidential candidates on the stage at the same time, especially when Americans aren’t familiar with some of them.

“It was actually more pileup than lineup. Ten candidates got seven seconds each to solve the health care crisis. There were more characters than on the show ‘This Is Us’ in this debate.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Even in a threesome, somebody ends up feeling left out, even if they had the best ideas.” — SETH MEYERS

“Everyone was looking for their moment to stand out. There were big questions for each of them. Questions like, ‘Who the hell are these guys?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Can’t they combine Tim Ryan, Steve Bullock and John Delaney and make them all one guy?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Noah criticized the CNN moderators for cutting off the candidates when they went over time and then trying to pit them against each other.

“Half of those questions might as well have been, ‘Pick three people on this stage: eff, marry, kill, go, go. Like, I felt like at any moment they were about to go, ‘By the way, Elizabeth, did you notice that Klobuchar totally stole your look? Just saying.’” — TREVOR NOAH

There was a lot of ground to cover, but hosts focused on some of the debate’s highlights, including disagreements over health care.

“During her opening statement in tonight’s Democratic debate, Senator Elizabeth Warren said that President Trump disgraces the office of the president every single day, which isn’t fair, because he’s really only in the office like twice a week.” — SETH MEYERS

“It’s hard to sum up what happened tonight, but most of tonight was a bunch of guys with no chance to win the Democratic nomination yelling Republican talking points at the people who can. It was like watching the seven dwarves offering Snow White a poison apple.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“If Hickenlooper is elected, he’ll be like, ‘I promise I will go on Yahoo Answers to see if anyone knows how to fix this thing.’” — TREVOR NOAH

“There she goes, tossing her base some of that red unicorn meat. And the only way to defeat it is to help Harry Potter locate the nine horcrux.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Marianne Williamson’s mention of a “dark psychic force”

[As Williamson] “We have a Department of Housing, but not a department of home. We have secretary of education, instead of a secretary of educating. We have a Defense Department instead of a dreamcatcher I bought in Sedona.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Why does Bernie Sanders sound like he’s pitching health care only for himself?” [imitating Sanders] “We will cover hearing aids, eyeglasses and insurance if you slip in the shower, especially the part of the mildew that gets slippery. The point is, it’s for everyone!” — TREVOR NOAH

[As Sanders] “I’m not yelling! This is what it sounds like when I whisper! It’s how I sang my kids lullabies at night. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, the billionaire class has gone too far.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Biggest Debate Burns Edition)

“After the first half of tonight’s debate, Google searches for former congressman John Delaney increased 3,400 percent, and still no results.” — SETH MEYERS

“And at this point, now that the dust has cleared, it’s John Hickenlooper’s election to lose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I’m not sure the guy polling below 1 percent should be talking about math right now.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Delaney debating Sanders on health care

[As Sanders] “I wrote the damn bill, and it’s a good thing you get dental care, Tim, because I just slapped the teeth out of your dirty mouth.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Tim Ryan saying Sanders didn’t know something about the health care bill that Sanders, in fact, authored

“Tim Ryan better hope ‘Medicare for all’ passes, because he’s going to need some health care for that burn.” — SETH MEYERS

The Bits Worth Watching

Amy Schumer called into “Lights Out With David Spade” to share her congratulations on the new show and a peek at her newborn.

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Julia Louis-Dreyfus will make her first post-“Veep” appearance on late night when she pops by “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

Also, Check This Out

Lil Nas X’s “country-trap” track “Old Town Road” has broken a Billboard record for the longest-running No. 1 single despite being an unlikely pop hit.

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