They’re trying to say that Prince William won the ‘sexiest bald man’ survey11/17/2023
CB is the one who enjoys bald men. I prefer furry men, hirsute barrel-chested bears or stringbeans with beards. So I’m probably not the one to ask about “the sexiest bald men.” If a man is truly sexy, his hair (or lack thereof) doesn’t really matter – see Mark Strong or Zinedine Zidane or Stanley Tucci. If a man is a trash person, the state of his hair doesn’t matter either. All of which to say, Prince William is ugly, violent, lazy, stupid and cruel. He’s also bald, but his ugliness is because of all of the other things. Still, someone is spending a lot of money to rig these polls, because William was just named “the sexiest bald man” again.
Prince William has been named the sexiest bald man alive, according to a new study based on Google searches. Marketing agency Reboot conducted the study by looking at how many times the Royal had been searched for, alongside the words “shirtless” or “naked”.
They also analysed celebrities’ heights, net worths and how shiny their scalps are to come up with a total “sexy” score out of 10.
William topped the list with a 9.88, closely followed by actors Vin Diesel and Jason Statham, who excelled on search result scores and the “shine factor” of their heads. Samuel L. Jackson came fourth and businessman Jeff Bezos (no, really) came fifth, with his immense net worth of $168bn pumping up his score.
In sixth place came former basketball player, Michael Jordan, who is officially the sexiest bald sports star of 2023. With a height of 6 ft 5 and the highest net worth of sport stars on the list, at $2.6bn, it comes as no surprise that MJ, in all his bald glory, is seen as seductive, study authors said.
What kind of methodology is this?? “Marketing agency Reboot conducted the study by looking at how many times the Royal had been searched for, alongside the words ‘shirtless’ or ‘naked’.” How is it possible – unless it’s by rigging the Google results – that more people searched for William versus Jason Statham? That makes zero sense. Unless there’s some Kensington Palace intern whose job it is to Google “Prince William bald sexy” and “Prince William handsome bachelor bald does not need hairplugs” and “Prince William hot chest bald” for eight hours every single day. Which is entirely possible. It’s especially weird because William has such major Lurch energy these days.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.
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